Many of you have asked me… How do you host a Stepmom Mixer and more importantly, how do you go about organizing a local group of like-minded stepladies in the first place?

Well, I have to credit my mother for showing me the way. Some of you already know this story. Not long after Mom became a stepmother to my two stepsisters, Piper and Gigi, she stumbled upon a group of lefty, hippy-dip NorCal women, who happened to also be stepmothers. They became fast friends and quickly recognized that just one hour of indulgent, brutal honesty together was an effective antidote for warding off stepmom insanity. As a prepub teen, I always thought their Big Girl club sounded like loads of fun, especially since they had their own specialty cocktail, “Stepmother’s Milk,” to accompany their kvetching.

Twenty years later and not long after I moved to Austin, I similarly went looking for a group of stepladies I could swap stories, unload and laugh with, and when I didn’t come across one, I decided to start my own. I figured I couldn’t be the only stepmom in Travis County looking for support and an excuse to get out of the house and leave my family at home, so I just took the initiative to make it happen. Sometimes ladies, you just need to be brave and go get what you want.

Sometimes ladies, you just need to be brave and go get what you want.

So, I started an online community– Stepmother’s Milk– and after I established myself as a somewhat normal and trustworthy person, I invited anyone reading my blog to meet me for drinks. Yes, anyone. Inviting the unknown masses to hang out with you is a little scary, so if you’re starting a group of your own, I encourage you to pick a public meeting place. That way, if an unwanted sketcher joins the party, you can politely excuse yourself and leave out the back door.

There were only three of us the first time. And then four. Then five. It’s been a slow process, but our little group is finally gaining attention and starting to grow. In August, I had twelve women commit to coming and ten showed. Pretty good. Add to that, they were almost all new faces. I’m expecting an even larger turn-out in September.

While numbers are impressive, that’s not my goal for starting the mixers. I’m looking to make solid connections with a group of ladies I can intimately share my experiences with… and also laugh with… and eat and drink with. With that in mind, I choose meeting places I like to hang out in: wine bars, cafes and cozy bistros. Our group doesn’t have discussion points or an agenda. We just talk. It’s a pretty loosey-goosey arrangement.

You, on the other hand, might want a totally different experience, so if you’re starting a group, think about what you want it to look, feel and sound like. Figure that out and then put it out there and the see what happens. I think you’ll be surprised to find that many women are craving the same thing you are. They were just waiting for someone like you to take charge and make it happen.

Some of you have expressed an acute nervousness to take the lead and approach “strangers” online and off, so I want to let you in on a little secret: women in their thirties and beyond are much nicer than when they were teenagers. I don’t know about you, but there’s a small part of me that’s afraid I’ll wake up tomorrow in my fifteen-year-old skin and the popular, skinny girls won’t invite me to the party. If you, too, struggle with the occasion bout of insecurity and irrational fear, let me assure you that things are different now that we’re older. Every time I’ve reached out to another step/stranger and invited her to lunch or out for a drink, guess what she’s said? YES.

Don’t believe me? Try it.

National Stepfamily Day is September 16th. What better day to host your first mixer! If you don’t have a blog to advertise on, start a Meet Up group, join an existing community like stepchicks, try hanging a flyer at your local Whole Foods or at the gym.

What do you have to lose? At the very least, I can promise you’ll meet some new people, and if you’re lucky you’ll make a few good friends you’ll have for a very long time, much like Mom and her crew, who stopped talking about stepparenting long ago and now just get together for shopping trips, long lunches and Stepmother’s Milk.

Which reminds me… if Betthany Frankel can have a trademarked drink that’s healthy AND glamorous, then so can I. Try below my specialty cocktail and I encourage you to create your own special blend of Stepmother’s Milk.

Stepmother’s Milk End of Summer Spritzer
Makes one pitcher. Pour into vintage tumblers or tall cocktail glasses.

6 shots citron vodka
3 shot triple sec (or cointreau)
3 shot cranberry juice
6 shots grapefruit juice
6 big cucumber slices mashed with mortar and pestle or in food processor

Pour over ice and shake until frothy. Pour into chilled glasses. Float a thin slice of cucumber on top of each drink. Enjoy.

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