Stepmonster: A new Look at Why Real Stepmothers Think, Feel and Act the Way We Do by Wednesday Martin, Ph.D.
If you are a stepmother, this book should occupy a permanent position on your nightstand!
Ladies, do yourself a favor and go pick up a copy of Stepmonster today. It’s cheaper than therapy and it just might preserve your sanity and save your marriage. I’ve been carrying it around for weeks now, sneaking five minutes here and there to commit the more significant points to memory. The challenge is that there’s just so many. A few of my favorites:
Nobody wants a stepmother and nobody wants to be a stepmother either. Just as our stepchildren do not choose us, we do not choose them.
We need to learn as soon as possible– to experience firsthand– that being disliked is an occupational hazard for stepmothers, not a referendum on our worth.
There is no single way to be a stepmother. Nor, it turns out, is there a “right” one.
AHA! I can’t tell you how many times I’ve been slumped over this book in a public place where I suddenly sit straight up and exclaim, “I knew it!” I wasn’t even finished with Chapter One before I felt compelled to track Ms. Martin down and thank her for validating so many of my mixed-up stepmommy feelings. And by explaining why we feel and act they way we do, the old, familiar feelings of guilt and inadequacy suddenly had less power over me. I went from I suck to I’m totally normal!
I went from I suck to I’m totally normal!
In one of the more provocative chapters, “She’s such a Witch!” Martin studies a common trap the modern-day stepmom falls into. She describes an overly-accommodating woman who contorts herself in an effort to be likable. In hopes of gaining love and approval from her new stepkids, she puts her marriage second and shoves her own needs aside. Sound familiar?
To avoid the old, witchy “stepmonster” accusation, Martin explains, many of us tip-toe around our stepkids, “overcompensating out of fear.” Martin shows us how destructive this can be on our marriages and similarly bad for the kids, “giving them an uncomfortable amount of power.”
I thought, Oh No. We’ve traded in wicked for wimpy? Say it isn’t so!
Thankfully, Martin provides us with a different approach, one that is realistic, attainable and allows us to reclaim our power and stop apologizing for our *appropriate* behavior. Props are due, Ms. Martin. Pretty soon we’ll be talkin’ bout a Stepmother Revolution!
Just in time for Father’s Day, a sweet collection of essays arrived at my door, so I thought I’d take a break from promoting myself and pimp someone else for a change. 
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