Many of you have asked me… How do you host a Stepmom Mixer and more importantly, how do you go about organizing a local group of like-minded stepladies in the first place?
Well, I have to credit my mother for showing me the way. Some of you already know this story. Not long after Mom became a stepmother to my two stepsisters, Piper and Gigi, she stumbled upon a group of lefty, hippy-dip NorCal women, who happened to also be stepmothers. They became fast friends and quickly recognized that just one hour of indulgent, brutal honesty together was an effective antidote for warding off stepmom insanity. As a prepub teen, I always thought their Big Girl club sounded like loads of fun, especially since they had their own specialty cocktail, “Stepmother’s Milk,” to accompany their kvetching.
Twenty years later and not long after I moved to Austin, I similarly went looking for a group of stepladies I could swap stories, unload and laugh with, and when I didn’t come across one, I decided to start my own. I figured I couldn’t be the only stepmom in Travis County looking for support and an excuse to get out of the house and leave my family at home, so I just took the initiative to make it happen. Sometimes ladies, you just need to be brave and go get what you want.
Sometimes ladies, you just need to be brave and go get what you want.
So, I started an online community– Stepmother’s Milk– and after I established myself as a somewhat normal and trustworthy person, I invited anyone reading my blog to meet me for drinks. Yes, anyone. Inviting the unknown masses to hang out with you is a little scary, so if you’re starting a group of your own, I encourage you to pick a public meeting place. That way, if an unwanted sketcher joins the party, you can politely excuse yourself and leave out the back door.
There were only three of us the first time. And then four. Then five. It’s been a slow process, but our little group is finally gaining attention and starting to grow. In August, I had twelve women commit to coming and ten showed. Pretty good. Add to that, they were almost all new faces. I’m expecting an even larger turn-out in September.
While numbers are impressive, that’s not my goal for starting the mixers. I’m looking to make solid connections with a group of ladies I can intimately share my experiences with… and also laugh with… and eat and drink with. With that in mind, I choose meeting places I like to hang out in: wine bars, cafes and cozy bistros. Our group doesn’t have discussion points or an agenda. We just talk. It’s a pretty loosey-goosey arrangement.
You, on the other hand, might want a totally different experience, so if you’re starting a group, think about what you want it to look, feel and sound like. Figure that out and then put it out there and the see what happens. I think you’ll be surprised to find that many women are craving the same thing you are. They were just waiting for someone like you to take charge and make it happen.
Some of you have expressed an acute nervousness to take the lead and approach “strangers” online and off, so I want to let you in on a little secret: women in their thirties and beyond are much nicer than when they were teenagers. I don’t know about you, but there’s a small part of me that’s afraid I’ll wake up tomorrow in my fifteen-year-old skin and the popular, skinny girls won’t invite me to the party. If you, too, struggle with the occasion bout of insecurity and irrational fear, let me assure you that things are different now that we’re older. Every time I’ve reached out to another step/stranger and invited her to lunch or out for a drink, guess what she’s said? YES.
Don’t believe me? Try it.
National Stepfamily Day is September 16th. What better day to host your first mixer! If you don’t have a blog to advertise on, start a Meet Up group, join an existing community like stepchicks, try hanging a flyer at your local Whole Foods or at the gym.
What do you have to lose? At the very least, I can promise you’ll meet some new people, and if you’re lucky you’ll make a few good friends you’ll have for a very long time, much like Mom and her crew, who stopped talking about stepparenting long ago and now just get together for shopping trips, long lunches and Stepmother’s Milk.
Which reminds me… if Betthany Frankel can have a trademarked drink that’s healthy AND glamorous, then so can I. Try below my specialty cocktail and I encourage you to create your own special blend of Stepmother’s Milk.
Stepmother’s Milk End of Summer Spritzer
Makes one pitcher. Pour into vintage tumblers or tall cocktail glasses.
6 shots citron vodka
3 shot triple sec (or cointreau)
3 shot cranberry juice
6 shots grapefruit juice
6 big cucumber slices mashed with mortar and pestle or in food processor
Pour over ice and shake until frothy. Pour into chilled glasses. Float a thin slice of cucumber on top of each drink. Enjoy.
Tags: Austin, Betthany_Frankel, National_stepfamily_day, stepchicks, stepmom_group, stepmom_mixer, Stepmother's_milk
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Great tips!
Am hoping to organise a meet up here in the UK around Oct/Nov time. Will blog the photos!
Hope you are well!
LBM xxxxxxx
Hi! I’m in Austin… a stepmom… would love to find out about the mixers.
Do you have a mailing list?
Hi Amanda,
I don’t have a mailing list… I guess I should do that! I try to keep you all alerted to events here on stepmothersmilk.com, twitter (stepmothersmilk) and my facebook page http://budurl.com/2wns
I’ll post soon the date for the September mixer and hope you can make it!
IR
Thanks for this Izzy! I’m gonna put on my thinking cap and see what I can come up with.
izzy, Just finished your book. Nice work. I posted about it here:
http://momtrends.blogspot.com/2009/08/mommy-time-monday-books-at-beach.html
Nicole,
So honored you took a copy of The Package Deal along on your last summer vacay! Thanks for the great review!
IR
Hi, Izzy -
Just wanted to let you know that I’ve been jealously watching your posts about stepmom mixers in Austin for a long time, and I have finally taken the first steps to creating a group for stepmoms here in New Jersey. We’re on Yahoo! groups under Central New Jersey Stepmoms, and it’s all in thanks to the community that you’ve started here at Stepmother’s Milk. Thanks for the inspiration – and I’ll keep hoping I can make it to your mixers one day!
Best,
Lauren
Lauren,
I’m so happy that you’ve been inspired and will be starting your own group in New Jersey (The Real Stepmoms of New Jersey, right:). I look forward to hearing all about it!
kisses,
IR
Hello Southern California steps! We’ve just arranged our first mixer for Sept. 12th. Check out stepchicks.ning.com and join the california stepchicks group for details. Hope to see you soon!
Hi Izzy,
I’m currently reading your book, but I’ve been peeking in on your blog for a while. I finally became a fan on Facebook and was inspired by the chapter from your book I read tonight to stop waiting around to find something. I’ve always been the type to reach out and strike a match so I’m going to get my stuff together and do some research in my area to find some fellow stepmoms like me who could use another stepmom friend. Thank you so much for being such a great inspiration!
Good morning everyone. I am a new step mom and live in Dallas. I would love to start something up here like a group here and am checking to see if anyone is interested. If so, please e-mail me at eldridgejennifer@hotmail.com. Thanks! Jen
Cry and Jennifer,
Good luck starting your own group. I’m so happy you’ve been inspired!
Please let me know what you set up… and I’m willing to promote your mixer here on Stepmothermilk.com if you like.
kisses
IR
I live in Dallas, and I believe there is at least one other stepmom on the Stepchicks group that is from dallas – be sure to check there!! Let us know what you come up with :)
I also live in Dallas and just finished reading Izzy’s book. I loved the book and didn’t want it to end; I had some happy tears as I read the conclusion and my step-daughter asked if the book was sad, and I said no, it’s happy and that makes me tear-up more.
This is my first visit to the site and I am so glad to be able to continue the journey. I would love to join a group, so Jennifer in Dallas I will be contacting you!
Sophie – I am SO excited to hear that! Looking forward to hearing from you!
BrandNewStepMom, I am a little new to this – how do I look on the Stepchicks group?? Thanks so much!
Jennifer
Hi Izzy,
We are hosting our first stepmom’s gathering in Dallas at the Mi Cocina in HIghland Park Village on Thursday September 17, 2009, at 6 pm.
Here is the address:
77 Highland Park Village, Highland Park, 75205
(SW corner of Mockingbird & Preston, in Highland Park Village)
May I take you up on your offer to promote this? If anyone has any questions, they can email me at eldridgejennifer@hotmail.com.
Thanks!
Jennifer
Yay! Jennifer I will be sending you an email ASAP! So glad you took the initiative to start a group here in Dallas! Megan
[...] Megan: Yay! Jennifer I will be sending you an email ASAP! So glad you took the… [...]
[...] Not sure how to get a group together? You can start by reading How to Host a Stepmom Mixer. [...]
[...] Since posting How to Host A Stepmom Mixer, I’ve heard from many of you who are starting your own Stepmother’s Milk groups and [...]
I just read Izzy’s book and I love it. Are there any San Francisco or Bay Area gals out there who want to get together? It would be fun to have a SF mixer!
[...] Not sure how to get a group together? You can start by reading How to Host a Stepmom Mixer. [...]
Hello, Izzy!
I just finished reading your book, and… wow!! THANK YOU!! Can I say that again, please… Thank you!!
So, I’m “lefty, hippy-dip NorCal woman, who happens to also be a stepmother,”… where can I find the others that your mother speaks of? I love my girlfriends, here, but none of them quite relate to my new, crazy (and exciting) life.
But mostly… Thank you!! (Seriously, you brought a much-needed smile a few mental high-fives to my holidays.)
BTW, Meg… YES!!! I’m in Oakland and would LOVE to get together. Email me at cestbruyere@yahoo.com. Yay!
I host the Super StepMoms meetup for the Golden Horseshoe of Toronto (basically any and all cities surrounding Toronto). If you are nearby and a stepmom – check us out!
Thank you!!
Heather