Introducing Ms. January!
Lacey from Louisiana has been married to her husband for one year. She has one stepchild, a boy, who is 8. She writes regularly at amygdalathoughts and is a member of stepchicks, the social networking sites for chicks like us.
1. How did you meet your husband and what was your initial reaction to the fact that he had a son?
I met my husband in the most interesting of ways–on Myspace. He sent me a message, which I initially ignored (hellllooo scary internet perv, right?). But he persisted and sent another message so I checked out his friends list, saw we knew some people in common and figured he couldn’t be all that bad. After further conversation with him, we found one key person we had in common–his ex-sister in law, oddly enough. So, long story short we both researched the other through her and eventually went on our first date. My initial reaction to the fact he had a son was, “Aww…how sweet.”
2. Describe your current relationship with your stepson.
My relationship with my stepson can be described in one word–evolving. We have our good moments and our bad moments. Currently, he is having trouble adjusting to changes in his life: our family is about to move, his mom is getting married and about to move, he’s going to change schools, so that’s created a few of those “bad moments” lately.
3. How has your role changed with your stepson since the wedding, if at all?
I don’t really think my role changed much with my stepson since the wedding. I do think my husband’s ex-wife began to accept me more once my husband and I were engaged and she knew I was going to become her son’s stepmom.
4. Talk about planning a blended family wedding. Any advice for other soon-to-be stepmoms?
As soon as we got engaged we sat down with my stepson and explained that we were getting married, what that meant for us and for him, and told him there would be a wedding with a “big party” afterwards (the reception). He was the ring bearer in our wedding and we just tried to keep everything positive about the whole experience. My advice to soon-to-be-stepmoms would be to make sure the kids feel included. That can be difficult if it’s your first wedding because it’s supposed to be your day, right? Also, (unrelated to stepkids) wedding planning can be so stressful so just take a step back and enjoy it!
4. I know you’ve been trying to get pregnant. How does your stepson feel about gaining a sibling?
We have been trying to get pregnant for a few months. My stepson is an only child in both families and is not very keen on the idea of things changing. We’ve discussed it with him a lot…actually, it’s sort of an ongoing conversation. We know another child is something we want, and all we can do is continue to be positive about it and hope he adjusts well. Oh, and I also am going to have an “I’m a big brother” party once the baby comes home complete with cake so that my stepson feels included. I can’t remember where I read about this idea but I thought it was great when I saw it.
5.You started your blog long before you became an “official” stepmom. How has having a blog helped you with the transition from single gal to instant mom?
My blog has been my saving grace while I transitioned into “instant mom.” It’s my place to vent and receive feedback from others, even if it’s not always what I want to hear. It offers me a different point of view on situations and has allowed me to meet some great stepmoms. I hope to meet some of them in person one day!
6. Aside from your blog, how do you meet other stepmoms?
I only know one stepmom IRL (in real life) and her situation is slightly different. The bio mom passed away and the child is only two and sees her as her mother, not her stepmother. I met a girl in nursing school that was dating a guy with a child but their relationship eventually ended. Basically what I’m saying is the internet is really where I’ve met other stepmoms and that is actually one of the reasons I started my blog. I was tired of feeling alone dealing with “stepmom issues”
7. What’s the hardest thing/ best thing about being an smom?
The hardest thing about being a stepmom is having so much responsibility for something that’s not yours and always having outside influences affecting things in our home. The best thing about being a smom is getting to witness the milestones…kindergarten graduation, first days of school, first soccer games, Santa Claus visits, etc.
Thank You Lacey!
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