Author of The Package Deal: My (not-so) Glamorous Transition from Single Gal to Instant Mom and the creator of Stepmother's Milk. Izzy lives in Austin, Texas with her husband and his two man-cubs. more about »
Some wise words on stepparenting a teen…
“Nothing you do for children is ever wasted.”
– Garrison Keillor, Radio Show Host
“Character cannot be developed in ease and quiet.”
– Helen Keller
“Humor is the great thing, the saving thing…
– Mark Twain
All quotes borrowed from The 312 Best Things About Being A Stepmom by Cynthia L. Copeland
Ladies, I really love this quote…
“As Stepmoms, we should remember
That in order to be walked on,
We have to be lying down.
It’s our choice.”
– Cynthia L. Copeland
About a year ago, I wrote a post titled What’s in a Name? At the time, I was struggling with what to call my stepkids– my kids, stepkids, the little creeps I live with– and what they should call me– stepmom, Izzy or that weird lady down the hall.
Recently, a new reader stumbled upon the post and has revived the debate. “It’s amazing how just a simple name, a simple word, can be so emotionally charged…”
This reader refers to her stepkids as the most important kids in her world, which I think is very sweet. I can relate to this having no kids of my own (that is, babies who baked in my oven). Indeed, The Tall One and The Young One are the most important kids in my world.
As I was mulling all this over, I came across this excellent post on the Los Angeles Moms Blog. It, too, addresses the issue of name-calling…
“Stepdaughter has sometimes referred to me as her “second mom,” and I appreciate that. I’m not a replacement – I’m a supplement. I’m another adult that she and her brother can look to for care and support, without taking anything away from their “real” parents.”
For a while now, I’ve been looking for a name to replace the very dated, and often negatively charged, “stepmom.”
Ladies, please do weigh in. What do you think of Second Mom? It’s growing on me.
I’ve discovered a new stepmom blogger. She goes by Chelle and she has written a thoughtful post outlining the pros and cons for blogging about the ex-wife relationship.
Here’s an excerpt…
” Don’t throw things onto your blog that you’ll wish you could take back… Try to find empathy for your counter-mom. She just might do the same for you. She brought that beautiful child to life, and no matter how many reasons you believe you have to be angry and even combative, nothing changes that. As the mom she deserves more. As the step-mom, so do you. Create a bond. Find reasons to love her. She will be in your life forever.”
Since launching Stepmother’s Milk, I have felt torn over what I should and should not write about when it comes to the EX. I created this platform for myself so that I could write honestly, but I have to be careful. My step-darlings read my site and I don’t see how it will ever benefit me to bash their mother. Talk about a recipe for disaster.
Plus, I’m not a big fan of conflict, so given the choice– I avoid it. That said, there have been particular situations where I felt compelled to speak up– not because I was looking for a fight or to simply bitch-bitch, but because I needed some guidance. Are my feelings valid or am I out of my mind?
When I write about the EX, it’s because I need my stepladies to help me get clear. I created this site to build a community of like-minded stepmoms– not to grow my relationship with the EX. Do I need to be fair to my husband’s ex-wife? Yes. Should I be decent? Absolutely. But, when it comes down to it, this site is not about her– it’s about me.
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