Comments on: Happy Stepfather’s Day

By: Stepmother's Milk- Blog, Advice, Forums, Support and Help for the Stepmom, stepkid, stepfamily and step parenting :: Austin, Texas

Mon, 04 Aug 2008 16:48:48 +0000

[...] I was younger, my stepdad avoided situations where he had to discipline me. He said, “I was afraid to [discipline you] [...]

By: Jennifer

Jennifer — Fri, 27 Jun 2008 18:55:12 +0000

That was beautifully written, Izzy. Thanks for giving us a more personal glimpse into your past, how you think and how and why you step-parent as you do. Your stepdad was very wise indeed and he’s lucky he ended up with you as a stepdaughter.

By: Izzy

Izzy — Wed, 25 Jun 2008 18:14:41 +0000

Thanks for the comment Norma. How long have you been in the stepmom role? I think getting them at an earlier age helps build attachment- you think?

By: Norma

Norma — Wed, 25 Jun 2008 14:38:39 +0000

Excellent post. Go Dad! Go Step Dad!! Sounds like those two guys handled things extremely well. As for me, I am extremely emotionally available and attached to my kids; we have hugs and kisses all the time. We talk through problems. I worry and plan for their long term future. In terms of discipline, I absolutely play a role. They are alone with me a lot, without Dad around so it is necessary for me to be in that role. I’ve been learning a lot about discipline over the years, and unlearning some of what my parents did. I try to take the road of teaching them through reason, logic and conversation rather than punish, punish, punish - which sometimes appears is the only path known at their other home. I have no personal experience with having two sets of parents. It scares me to not have that perspective. I’m glad to know what you and your step-dad experienced. Thanks for sharing!

By: IzzyRose

IzzyRose — Thu, 19 Jun 2008 14:06:30 +0000

Regina,

I do think it’s a real delicate balance and depends so much on the dynamics going in. I think I’ve emotionally kept some distance from my steps, but as far as discipline goes– I’ve been involved, but a lot of that has to do with having the kids full-time.

Good luck to you and let us know how it’s going.

By: Regina

Regina — Wed, 18 Jun 2008 17:08:24 +0000

I really like this post. It is interesting to think how our step-parents affect our way of being a step. My step-mother definitely tried to replace my mom and take over, and step-dad was available, but not pushy. He did not take on any discipline. But my real mom was a very in control step-mom. Is it a difference between men and women? Or moms and dads? Or just person to person.

Anyhow, this was good timing for me, as I have been trying to work on letting my husband take over more and just be available when needed, but not always taking control. I think it sounds like a good plan. We’ll see!

By: Smilf

Smilf — Mon, 16 Jun 2008 00:38:46 +0000

Good post - after becoming a stepmom myself I’ve often wondered how my stepdad handled becoming a stepdad - I think we were a lot to handle at the time and he has done a fantastic job. Maybe someday I will ask him about it just as you did. I like the “Happy Stepfather’s Day” title! : )