Introducing Ms. March!
Stephanie from Palo Alto, CA is a dear friend, a fellow TV producer, a stepmom and a new bio-mom. She and I got married just one week apart to men who already had kids– mine came with boys, hers came with two girls. She has just recently added her own baby to the mix. Here is her story…
1) Talk a little about your relationship with the girls early on.
From the moment I met the girls nearly four years ago, we’ve always gotten along. They were just 4 and 6 years old – cute, smart and precocious. Within eight months, we had taken trips together to Disneyland, Lake Tahoe and to my parents’ house for Thanksgiving.
My husband “snuggles” with the girls every night in their beds before they go to sleep and since I’ve been around, I have joined in that ritual.
2) How have things changed since you had a baby?
Things have changed and it’s strictly a function of time. As almost everyone knows, babies take up a lot of time. Early on, between breastfeeding, consoling and trying to get some sleep myself, I had less time for everyone. Now I’m back to work full time at a very demanding job and there just aren’t enough hours in the day. Plus, my mother is ill. Most of my relationships (family, friends) have felt the effect. It’s heartbreaking when you stop to think about it, but I just do the best that I can.
The greatest joy has been to watch the girls grow up.
3. Talk a bit about your decision to get pregnant. Many women have been talking recently on the site about the struggle they had with adding a baby to the mix. What was it like for you…the good stuff / the not so good stuff.
Besides having a miscarriage, which was devastating at the time, the idea of adding a baby was never a problem. Happily, I easily became pregnant again and had a pretty smooth pregnancy – no morning sickness at all. I do remember suffering through a couple of bad colds, a chicken pox scare and some painful tendinitis after gaining forty pounds, but those memories quickly fade away.
My husband and I have struggled through some disagreements on taking care of our son and I’m sure there are more to come, but mostly Jacob’s been a blessing. After spending his first week of life in the NICU and Special Care Nursery, he’s a happy and very healthy boy.
My stepdaughters love him and love to help take care of him.
4. What is your role in the house as stepmom?
My husband is extremely hands-on, so I get to do as much or as little as I want with regard to the girls. I love to cook for the family, so I cook dinner most of the time. He makes their breakfasts and packs their lunches. He also checks their homework, makes their playdates and entertains them on the weekends. I’m really lucky in that I can focus on the baby and have a little free time to myself when I’m not working.
5. What has been the hardest and what has been the greatest joy becoming a stepmom?
The greatest joy has been to watch the girls grow up. It’s amazing and a little bittersweet to see how much they’ve changed. I love going to events at their school and have even driven on a field trip or two.
The hardest part – the downside of having a little more time and freedom from my stepmom role- is not having as much say or influence as I’d like to sometimes. They have a great mom, who is very hands-on herself, so I have a limited role in making important decisions in their lives.
6. Many women our age are marrying men who already have kids– not necessarily the fantasy, but now often, the common reality. Was this ever an issue for you?
When I was younger, I never really considered marrying a man with kids. I didn’t grow up in blended family and didn’t know too many people who did. But I found the positives completely outweighed any negatives. Finding a man who would be a great father was one of my top priorities and I could see for my own eyes what a fabulous “father” I’d found.
If you or someone you know would like to be the Stepmom in the Spotlight, send me an email: izzy@stepmothersmilk.com
Tags: bio_mom, Expert Advice, stepfamily, stepmom_interview, stepmom_in_the_spotlight, Stepmother's_milk
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