Stepmom Love Fest
Listening is an act of love. Have you heard this sentiment before? It’s a nice one, yes? I’m thinking of adopting it as my own personal meditation, borrowed from the book with the same title: Listening Is an Act of Love: A Celebration of American Life from the StoryCorps project.
I heart StoryCorps.
Storycorps began with “the idea that everyone has an important story to tell” and I think this is an outstanding reminder to all of us– mothers, stepmothers, sisters and daughters– who have boldly shown our messed-up insides to readers online. Sometimes I wonder why I write and whenever I question it, I just have to remember how exhilarating (and yes– scary) it feels to be brutally honest, and how comforting it is to be heard. Only after I opened myself up (Hi, I’m Izzy Rose, a new freaked-out stepmom who may drink herself to death unless someone encourages me to take a deep breathe and get it together), did I realize that I wasn’t alone. It took the act of sharing my story to truly learn this.
Last week, The Husband and I had the pleasure of listening to Dave Isay, the creator of the StoryCorp project when he came to Book People to speak about his work and the work of so many people across the country. He made the point of saying that “ordinary” people are the ones with the most remarkable stories.
The more I listen to all of you– women from all over the world who I may have never had the chance to meet otherwise– I know that he is right and that our collective stories do indeed bind us together.
Kisses.
Amen to that. I’m going to check that site out.
I really enjoy reading your blog; your honesty is refreshing.
It truly is an amazing project and if it ever comes to Austin I think I’ll participate.
IR
Hi I just came upon your website and it seems great. I am in need of advice from step-moms who are in my situation. I am so frustrated and feel at the end of my rope. I am married to a great guy who has two daughters from a previous marriage, a 9y/o and a 6y/o. I have my own 11y/o from a previous marriage. He has joint custody and we have his girls every other week for a week at a time. They are great and we have a very loving relationship. My daughter, the 11y/o, likes the oldest step-sister very much but hates the youngest one. I think mainly because of jealousy over her usually receiving the bulk of the attention from pretty much every adult in her family other than me. That is very stressful in itself and my daughter really does not like my husband very much I think because she doesn’t like anyone who takes my attention from her. Anyway, all of that is stressful enough on the weeks we have his girls, but their bio-mom is the kind who wears very skimpy revealing clothing we when take the girls back, she tries to manipulate the girls, she has said some bad things about me that the girls have repeated to me, and she tries to get jabs at me while trying to be sweet at the same time. It was bad enough that I had to see her two times a week, on the day we take them back to her and the one night a week on our week that she has dinner with them. Now out of the blue she has started calling them every day on the weeks we have them. She has NEVER done this in the five years we have been in this situation and although she certainly has every right, I feel there is an underlying motive, i.e., she is trying to irritate me, she wants to make sure the girls think of her at least once a day while they are with us, or maybe she just is insecure. Any advice would really be appreciated. I am on the verge of going into therapy over this.
I LOVED this book!!!! (And you beat me to the bunch about blogging it! How funny.)
Jill, you should write about it, too. I’m thinking about who I would interview if I had the chance….kind of an interesting idea to ponder. If he comes to LA– definitely recommend going to see him.
IR
TI,
I recommend putting your concern in the forum to get the maximum amount of feedback and advice. I am a big advocate of therapy and recommend it regularly. It sounds like everyone is struggling in their own way and that some boundaries need to be established with bio. The most important relationship is between you and your husband, I believe, in securing a foundation moving forward. I would start there. Try to get on the same page. Come up with a plan. Express your needs and find a third party to talk to…and then maybe bring in the kids. No easy fix and I’m no expert. There are some wonderful women who visit the forum who may be able to give you some help, as well.
Glad you found the site. Blessings,
IR
HUGE fan of storycorps! i am usually driving to work in the morning when it’s aired on npr and i eventually find myself bawling from the emotion and humanity of the stories. it’s one of the best things out there. thanks for talking about it.
Ti, definitely join a forum and start a discussion. Izzy has this great tool on her site, and it’s there for all of us to use. Also, therapy is a great venue for getting the tools needed to deal with these very complex situations. Best of luck. Stepmothering is no easy endeavor, hang in there.