“Think of your favorite Crock Pot stew. You wouldn’t throw in all the ingredients, set the heat to high and expect to eat in 30 minutes.”
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January 15th, 2008 | IzzyRose ©2008 | 3 Comments
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Hmm. So what you’re saying is, my personal life is beef stew?
Yeah. Okay. I’m down with that.
That’s actually a really good analogy, Izz. Me likey.
My Terrence has a son who is only 15 months older than my daughter and he and his mother have lived many miles away for the past 2 and a half years. She has moved to the city now and ie little Kyzer will be a very frequent part of our lives.
Terrence and I have obviously had a rocky relationship but we love each other a lot, our commitment level is questionable when we fight hard, but there is a lot of stress in our lives.
He wants me to “be grown up enough to handle all of this” but I get weird and I feel bad about it. I have avoidance behaviors and I’m a jerk, well I was when we had him for the first time in a long time.
The mom and I have had our negative encounters, esp when was preggo and he was working out of town and he would go to see Kyzer before coming home to see me.
He and the mom have also fought for many hours on the phone while I have sat back and listened, I think she is a bit neurotic and just doesn’t always have reasonable judgement. (But neither do I all the time)
Terrence is a wonderful man a loving father and don’t want to hurt his feelings ever. We have come to a pretty stable medium when it comes to dealing with all of it, well I have anyway. But how long do you think it will take for me to be able to talk to the mom without the terrible feelings of anxiety and how long before Kyzer will actually care that I am around, could he possibly never, I guess I have to take a serious interest in him hey?
My quick answer is to focus on your stepkid first and foremost and let the relationship with the EX unfold (or not) over time. Your bond with your stepson is the most important.
IR