Comments on: Stepping Stones: A stepmom book review

By: lorrs

lorrs — Mon, 04 Aug 2008 11:29:06 +0000

This site means a lot to me Through good times and bad times, happy time and sad times. The comfort to know you are not alone and sometimes being able to help others, makes some cense of all. I wouldn’t not want to be a step mom, take joy in the happy times everyone.

By: Izzy

Izzy — Fri, 04 Jan 2008 15:03:02 +0000

Audrey, I suggest you post this question in the forum and explain the situation in a little more detail, so readers can best respond to you…are you the stepdaughter?

By: audrey

audrey — Fri, 04 Jan 2008 13:44:37 +0000

I REALLY, REALLY HAVE A PROBLEM. I AM AN ILLIGITIMATE CHILD. WHAT WILL I DO TO MAKE MY STEPMOM LOVE ME MORE BECAUSE THEY ALWAYS ARGUE WITH MY DAD. SHE ALWAYS ASK HOW MY DAD AND MY BIOLOGICAL MOTHER MET? OF COURSE MY DAD IS TIRED HEARING THOSE QUESTIONS. HE THOUGHT MY STEPMOM ACCEPTED THE SITUATION. WHAT MY DAD DID WAS TO KEEP QUITE ‘CAUSE HE KNOW IT’S HIS FAULT. BUT LET ME ASK YOU GUYS, IS IT ALWAYS OKAY FOR MY STEPMOM TO ARGUE WITH MY DAD?

By: Izzy

Izzy — Mon, 10 Dec 2007 05:55:57 +0000

Glad this post spurred such interesting discussion. We all learn from each other…our differences and similarities. But, I think we all want the same thing…support and encouragement, grace and humor. However we get it, stepparenting is much easier when we aren’t feeling isolated and alone.

By: Karon

Karon — Tue, 04 Dec 2007 13:05:44 +0000

Thanks for understanding my perspective, Trixie. I’m big on personal responsibility and practical measures — it’s just that in my belief system, I approach any problems or situations — life, really — with a reliance on God and know that my strength and abilities begin and end with Him. I see help from “friends, family and random strangers” as an extension of God’s love and a way He’s provided to help me cope. And I sure don’t ever want anyone to confuse my faith with hatred. It’s my job to *reflect* the grace of God to you and everybody else, and beating you over the head with it isn’t the method of choice, lol. I want to help you or be of service to you first and worry about our dogma sometime later, if at all. Prayer is my first line of defense, but as you said, it’s not yours, and the fact that we can have this discussion from two such different perspectives is a good thing :-). Enjoy you day!

By: Trixie_B

Trixie_B — Mon, 03 Dec 2007 21:21:42 +0000

Thanks for that Karon. I’m not offended by the Christian faith, nor by Muslin, Buddhist, Hindu or Paganism….or any other for that matter **. As I said, diversity and embracing the differences between us all is paramount to making a tolerant world, which in turn makes life better for all of our children.
It’s just that a heavily biased book wouldn’t be practical for ME. I don’t believe that God solves things for people, I think that you have to resolve things for yourselves, using practical measures.
If someone gets strength to actively resolve their problems via prayer or their faith, or therapy or crystals or prancing round a tree naked at midnight, I don’t care, it’s their coping mechanism, I might have tried it myself at some point.

Consulting with friends, family and random strangers (Thanks Izzy!) helps. I will look at your other books Karon, thanks for your answer.

** To clarify, I do get offended at people who use their faith as a reason to hate. I do get offended by religious groups who don’t show tolerance or respect to everyone, regardless of their faith, color, sex, sexuality, gender, inside leg measurement etc. (oh get me being all politically correct!)

By: Karon

Karon — Mon, 03 Dec 2007 19:43:27 +0000

Hi, Trixie ~~ yes, “Stepping Stones for Stepmoms” is a Christian book and I wrote it from the perspective of my Christian faith, but the information relating to strageties and coping and making choices and taking responsibility — I believe — can apply to all stepmoms’ situations and be a source of help. And if a non-Christian reader can look beyond my obvious faith to reach the guidance in the book, perhaps it’ll be beneficial to her; however, someone of a diferent faith or offended by the Christian slant might rather choose a different book. As you said, nothing works for everybody :-). My other stepmom works actually aren’t written from such a dramatic Christian perspective, and if you’re interested, one of those might be more to your liking [ http://karongoodman.com/books.html ]. I appreciate your question and hope I’ve answered it sufficiently. Thanks for participating in our tour! Enjoy your day.

By: Jill

Jill — Sat, 01 Dec 2007 14:44:40 +0000

I love Peet’s too! It’s where I met my husband. :) You’re from Northern California, so you’re from the home of Peet’s. That’s pretty cool. San Francisco is such a beautiful city. I hear great things about Austin, too, though! I’m looking forward to seeing it if you do plan an Austin meetup. (That’s funny — I just realized I spelled it like Jane Austen’s name the first time.)

By: IzzyRose

IzzyRose — Fri, 30 Nov 2007 22:44:21 +0000

Jill,
I see from your site that you meet regularly with folks at Peets- I am SO jealous. I heart Peets, miss it in the core of my soul…

must plan Austin 08, I agree. Although no Peets here, but our Wild Oats is still open.

Trix,

What can I say- you speak your truth. Kudos to you.

By: Trixie_B

Trixie_B — Fri, 30 Nov 2007 21:46:32 +0000

Interesting reading. Thanks for sharing Karon, and Izzy for publishing on Step Mothers Milk. Karon, I’m interested if this is a book is primarily a Christian book for Christian step-parents, or if there is practical advice in it that doesn’t require the reader to share the same faith as you?

Please note, that I’m not being negative, or aggressive about this, but while you might think that prayer is a practical resolution for some of the issues you face, I do not. It’s only different views, and perceptions. While Izzy says she is searching for Izzy’s God, I have come to terms with my own view of an ultimate deity, and that is not based in any religion. Christian or otherwise. (Frankly, as faith is such a personal issue, no two people will ever share the exact same faith, although they may be the same religion, it’s their own interpretation of that faith and therefore will never be quite the same).

I don’t believe that sending my child to church on a Sunday will make then a better person. I do think that teaching my child to be generous in their nature, kind and supportive, and to encourage them to empathize with others will make them better members of the community, and is a beginning to make them well rounded adults. I also think that teaching our children to embrace the differences in people and to value diversity is fundamental to their education, and their journey into adulthood, therefore, exposure to different cultures and belief systems is necessary and paramount.

Personally I think that we, as step parents, use what we can to help us. I believe that by sharing our experiences help. I think that sharing coping strategies is a good start, however, what works for you, isn’t necessarily going to work for me. Certainly, I will not be trying prayer when my step-monster is throwing a tizzy because she can’t have a new dress.

So, now you have a little more insight into my question Karon, is your book a practical step parenting guide for all faiths, or is it denominational?

If you prefer to discuss this off the site, Izzy can provide you with my email address.
Kind regards
Trixie

By: Karon

Karon — Thu, 29 Nov 2007 15:45:31 +0000

Thanks, IR, for your post and for being part of our blog tour! You’re right, and my readers probably get tired of hearing me say it all the time :-) — we learn best when we learn from each other. As long as we stay in pursuit of peace and stability for our families, we will continue to grow and be able to share our compassion and wisdom with those around us. Thank you again!

Many blessings, Karon

By: Jill

Jill — Thu, 29 Nov 2007 15:28:17 +0000

“I’d love to sit down and have a cup of coffee with my readers” — what a nice picture! I’d love to sit down and have a cup of coffee with Karon, too — and with you! I still like your idea of a stepmom getaway in Austen.