Stepping Stones: A stepmom book review
For me, one of the most exhilarating benefits of blogging is the surprise relationships I’ve made with people from all over the world with lives similar to mine and also very different. As a stepmom, I have gained invaluable perspective and insight from other women juggling blended families. And I’m always grateful to meet another.
Recently, I was introduced to the eloquent Karon Goodman, a nationally recognized author who has written many books about being a mom and a stepmom. She asked me to review her latest book, Stepping Stones for Stepmom: everyday strength for a blended-family mom and of course I agreed. My philosophy is that the more we all talk and share, the richer our lives will be.
“It’s important for stepmoms to know… they’re not insane!”
Now, Karon’s book is heavily influenced by her Christian faith (you need to know this going in). This is where she gets her strength, and while I have been known to exclaim, Dear God, Jesus, help me and Good Lord quite frequently while writing about my stepmom experience, I am not as spiritually rooted. However, I’m sure many of you are and in truth, I envy you. I’m still searching for Izzy’s God and I admire a person with faith. But, enough about me. Let’s get to the book.
Instead of giving you an analysis of the text, I thought it would be more fun to talk to Karon directly about her book. Here goes:
Why a stepmom book so spiritually inspired?
I believe stepmoms are a group especially in need of God’s strength and grace. Surviving those early years of stepmothering and a new marriage was one of the most difficult and painful times of my life, and I wouldn’t have made it through without the deep and tender caring and love of God. Stepmoms often write to me in such despair, feeling alone and defeated. I know that if they’ll put their faith in God and follow Him, He’ll lead them to a better and brighter place where they can improve their marriages and find more joy and purpose in stepmothering – and ultimately, their whole lives.
Of all the sections in this book, which gave you the most joy to write?
Probably the Coping section, because I love to have a plan! It helps me to have some strategies to implement when life gets hard, and learning to practice and lean on habits such as honesty and understanding and forgiveness makes me a stronger and more peaceful stepmom.
And which one was hardest?
The Struggling section because examining those issues, such as resentment and envy and anger, opened painful wounds I didn’t want to relive. Of course, we overcome most of those kinds of issues over time and certainly get better at recognizing when we’re about to fall into one of their traps, but when we get hurt they can resurface and set us back a bit. But – and here’s the key – we’ll keep growing if we keep learning to cope and trust God to help us.
Talk about the process of writing…and its influence on your parenting. And, why do you write?
It seems that most everything in my life makes its way into a book somehow, and my experiences as a stepmom are no different. I probably have a tendency to analyze everything and treat it as a “learning experience,” and to look at parenting with a long-range perspective. For example, when the kids were young, that meant saying ‘no’ and setting limits when it wasn’t popular but doing it anyway because it was more important to teach them something they’d need later on. As I’ve gotten older and especially through my stepmom struggles, I’ve developed a deep compassion for other women and grown to understand that despite our differences, we’re all very much the same – always in need of God’s grace and desperate to grow up in Him. I pray that whatever I learn is something I can pass on to others to help and guide them through similar times. I’d love to sit down and have a cup of coffee with my readers, but until that happens, I pray my little books will be something that helps them know they’re not alone and the best is yet to be.
Why is it so important for stepmoms to connect? Share a story about meeting another stepmom.
It’s important for stepmoms to know that the feelings they’re having does not mean they’re insane! It’s easy for a stepmom to feel isolated in her fears and insecurities, so just getting a word of affirmation from someone else in the same situation can make the hard times make a little more sense. And whatever one stepmom has learned, she’s always eager to pass on to others “in the line of fire.” I always say that stepmothering is like going to war – you can’t understand unless you’ve been there.
This encounter was brief and happened a long time ago, but I still think about it sometimes. A lady saw me with my boys and incorrectly guessed they were all “mine.” We shared those exasperated looks over the struggle of raising boys and then she said something like, “well I have a stepdaughter, but steps aren’t the same.” She said it in a sad way, and while she was right, the difference doesn’t have to be sad or negative. Stepmothers and their stepkids have a unique relationship, and while it’s never going to be biological, it can grow on its own to become something special, and stepmoms grow in ways they never imagined when they take on that role – that’s what I want my readers to know. Steplife is hard and challenging, but it’s also empowering and full of discovery, and when we embrace the change in our lives and choose to learn and grow from it, we become stronger and wiser and more sensitive and compassionate women to those around us.
Check out other reviews on Karon’s blog tour:
Blog Tour Schedule
• Step by Step — Tuesday, November 13
• Stepmom Land — Thursday, November 15
• Step-family Talk –Tuesday, November 27
• Stepmother’s Milk — Thursday, November 29
• Smart Stepfamilies — Tuesday, December 4
• Simplicity in the Suburbs –Thursday, December 6
• The Stepfamily Life — Tuesday, December 11
Karon Goodman is the author of several books including three for stepmoms. Her latest release is Stepping Stones for Stepmoms: Everyday Strength for a Blended Family Mom, which helps guide the new and even seasoned stepmom through the stages of steplife, Beginning, Struggling, Coping and Growing. Karon’s been writing a monthly newsletter for stepparents since 2000 and it’s now available on her blog, Continuing the Stepparenting Journey

Tags:blog, Karon Goodman, stepmom, stepmom book review stepparenting
“I’d love to sit down and have a cup of coffee with my readers” — what a nice picture! I’d love to sit down and have a cup of coffee with Karon, too — and with you! I still like your idea of a stepmom getaway in Austen.
Thanks, IR, for your post and for being part of our blog tour! You’re right, and my readers probably get tired of hearing me say it all the time :-) — we learn best when we learn from each other. As long as we stay in pursuit of peace and stability for our families, we will continue to grow and be able to share our compassion and wisdom with those around us. Thank you again!
Many blessings, Karon
Interesting reading. Thanks for sharing Karon, and Izzy for publishing on Step Mothers Milk. Karon, I’m interested if this is a book is primarily a Christian book for Christian step-parents, or if there is practical advice in it that doesn’t require the reader to share the same faith as you?
Please note, that I’m not being negative, or aggressive about this, but while you might think that prayer is a practical resolution for some of the issues you face, I do not. It’s only different views, and perceptions. While Izzy says she is searching for Izzy’s God, I have come to terms with my own view of an ultimate deity, and that is not based in any religion. Christian or otherwise. (Frankly, as faith is such a personal issue, no two people will ever share the exact same faith, although they may be the same religion, it’s their own interpretation of that faith and therefore will never be quite the same).
I don’t believe that sending my child to church on a Sunday will make then a better person. I do think that teaching my child to be generous in their nature, kind and supportive, and to encourage them to empathize with others will make them better members of the community, and is a beginning to make them well rounded adults. I also think that teaching our children to embrace the differences in people and to value diversity is fundamental to their education, and their journey into adulthood, therefore, exposure to different cultures and belief systems is necessary and paramount.
Personally I think that we, as step parents, use what we can to help us. I believe that by sharing our experiences help. I think that sharing coping strategies is a good start, however, what works for you, isn’t necessarily going to work for me. Certainly, I will not be trying prayer when my step-monster is throwing a tizzy because she can’t have a new dress.
So, now you have a little more insight into my question Karon, is your book a practical step parenting guide for all faiths, or is it denominational?
If you prefer to discuss this off the site, Izzy can provide you with my email address.
Kind regards
Trixie
Jill,
I see from your site that you meet regularly with folks at Peets- I am SO jealous. I heart Peets, miss it in the core of my soul…
must plan Austin 08, I agree. Although no Peets here, but our Wild Oats is still open.
Trix,
What can I say- you speak your truth. Kudos to you.
I love Peet’s too! It’s where I met my husband. :) You’re from Northern California, so you’re from the home of Peet’s. That’s pretty cool. San Francisco is such a beautiful city. I hear great things about Austin, too, though! I’m looking forward to seeing it if you do plan an Austin meetup. (That’s funny — I just realized I spelled it like Jane Austen’s name the first time.)
Hi, Trixie ~~ yes, “Stepping Stones for Stepmoms” is a Christian book and I wrote it from the perspective of my Christian faith, but the information relating to strageties and coping and making choices and taking responsibility — I believe — can apply to all stepmoms’ situations and be a source of help. And if a non-Christian reader can look beyond my obvious faith to reach the guidance in the book, perhaps it’ll be beneficial to her; however, someone of a diferent faith or offended by the Christian slant might rather choose a different book. As you said, nothing works for everybody :-). My other stepmom works actually aren’t written from such a dramatic Christian perspective, and if you’re interested, one of those might be more to your liking [ http://karongoodman.com/books.html ]. I appreciate your question and hope I’ve answered it sufficiently. Thanks for participating in our tour! Enjoy your day.
Thanks for that Karon. I’m not offended by the Christian faith, nor by Muslin, Buddhist, Hindu or Paganism….or any other for that matter **. As I said, diversity and embracing the differences between us all is paramount to making a tolerant world, which in turn makes life better for all of our children.
It’s just that a heavily biased book wouldn’t be practical for ME. I don’t believe that God solves things for people, I think that you have to resolve things for yourselves, using practical measures.
If someone gets strength to actively resolve their problems via prayer or their faith, or therapy or crystals or prancing round a tree naked at midnight, I don’t care, it’s their coping mechanism, I might have tried it myself at some point.
Consulting with friends, family and random strangers (Thanks Izzy!) helps. I will look at your other books Karon, thanks for your answer.
** To clarify, I do get offended at people who use their faith as a reason to hate. I do get offended by religious groups who don’t show tolerance or respect to everyone, regardless of their faith, color, sex, sexuality, gender, inside leg measurement etc. (oh get me being all politically correct!)
Thanks for understanding my perspective, Trixie. I’m big on personal responsibility and practical measures — it’s just that in my belief system, I approach any problems or situations — life, really — with a reliance on God and know that my strength and abilities begin and end with Him. I see help from “friends, family and random strangers” as an extension of God’s love and a way He’s provided to help me cope. And I sure don’t ever want anyone to confuse my faith with hatred. It’s my job to *reflect* the grace of God to you and everybody else, and beating you over the head with it isn’t the method of choice, lol. I want to help you or be of service to you first and worry about our dogma sometime later, if at all. Prayer is my first line of defense, but as you said, it’s not yours, and the fact that we can have this discussion from two such different perspectives is a good thing :-). Enjoy you day!
Glad this post spurred such interesting discussion. We all learn from each other…our differences and similarities. But, I think we all want the same thing…support and encouragement, grace and humor. However we get it, stepparenting is much easier when we aren’t feeling isolated and alone.
IR
I REALLY, REALLY HAVE A PROBLEM. I AM AN ILLIGITIMATE CHILD. WHAT WILL I DO TO MAKE MY STEPMOM LOVE ME MORE BECAUSE THEY ALWAYS ARGUE WITH MY DAD. SHE ALWAYS ASK HOW MY DAD AND MY BIOLOGICAL MOTHER MET? OF COURSE MY DAD IS TIRED HEARING THOSE QUESTIONS. HE THOUGHT MY STEPMOM ACCEPTED THE SITUATION. WHAT MY DAD DID WAS TO KEEP QUITE ‘CAUSE HE KNOW IT’S HIS FAULT. BUT LET ME ASK YOU GUYS, IS IT ALWAYS OKAY FOR MY STEPMOM TO ARGUE WITH MY DAD?
Audrey, I suggest you post this question in the forum and explain the situation in a little more detail, so readers can best respond to you…are you the stepdaughter?
IR