Comments on: Silent treatment http://stepmothersmilk.com/2007/11/05/stepmom-teenagers/ a blog for advice, forum, help and guidance for the stepmom, stepkids and stepfamily Thu, 04 Dec 2008 19:25:33 +0000 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.6.3 By: IzzyRose http://stepmothersmilk.com/2007/11/05/stepmom-teenagers/#comment-1216 IzzyRose Fri, 09 Nov 2007 16:12:29 +0000 http://stepmothersmilk.com/2007/11/05/stepmom-4/#comment-1216 I like this idea of the Zen Retreat. I'm going to try it out. Thanks for all the input! IR I like this idea of the Zen Retreat. I’m going to try it out. Thanks for all the input!

IR

]]> By: Stepmother's Milk- advice, blog and forum for the stepmom stepfamilies and step-parents http://stepmothersmilk.com/2007/11/05/stepmom-teenagers/#comment-1215 Stepmother's Milk- advice, blog and forum for the stepmom stepfamilies and step-parents Fri, 09 Nov 2007 16:03:40 +0000 http://stepmothersmilk.com/2007/11/05/stepmom-4/#comment-1215 [...] wrote the other day about my difficulty communicating with a kid who doesn’t like to chat. Talking AT someone feels [...] [...] wrote the other day about my difficulty communicating with a kid who doesn’t like to chat. Talking AT someone feels [...]

]]> By: Little Wren http://stepmothersmilk.com/2007/11/05/stepmom-teenagers/#comment-1204 Little Wren Fri, 09 Nov 2007 00:47:00 +0000 http://stepmothersmilk.com/2007/11/05/stepmom-4/#comment-1204 Have you ever seen the indie movie "Me and You and Everyone We Know"? There's this great scene that I think you'd appreciate.... A newly divorced father and his two sons are adjusting to their new visitation schedule. At one point, the sons are sitting around their father's new apartment and no one is responding to the father's chit-chat. His banter has become a monologue, thanks to the good old silent treatment. The father smiles, takes a deep breath, and says it's fine with him because their silence is "...like a Zen retreat". My SO has three kids, ages 13, 11 and 7. The eldest has often given her father the silent treatment and refused to communicate. One time, tmy SO smiled and announced that it was "like a Zen retreat". The kids didn't get it, but we thought it was pretty funny, and a good way to cope with the silent treatment. Have you ever seen the indie movie “Me and You and Everyone We Know”? There’s this great scene that I think you’d appreciate….

A newly divorced father and his two sons are adjusting to their new visitation schedule. At one point, the sons are sitting around their father’s new apartment and no one is responding to the father’s chit-chat. His banter has become a monologue, thanks to the good old silent treatment. The father smiles, takes a deep breath, and says it’s fine with him because their silence is “…like a Zen retreat”.

My SO has three kids, ages 13, 11 and 7. The eldest has often given her father the silent treatment and refused to communicate. One time, tmy SO smiled and announced that it was “like a Zen retreat”. The kids didn’t get it, but we thought it was pretty funny, and a good way to cope with the silent treatment.

]]> By: CJ http://stepmothersmilk.com/2007/11/05/stepmom-teenagers/#comment-1192 CJ Thu, 08 Nov 2007 15:52:22 +0000 http://stepmothersmilk.com/2007/11/05/stepmom-4/#comment-1192 By the way, Izzy, I think we have the same kids. Let me know what works with the tall one because I'd love to know! :-) By the way, Izzy, I think we have the same kids. Let me know what works with the tall one because I’d love to know! :-)

]]> By: CJ http://stepmothersmilk.com/2007/11/05/stepmom-teenagers/#comment-1191 CJ Thu, 08 Nov 2007 15:49:09 +0000 http://stepmothersmilk.com/2007/11/05/stepmom-4/#comment-1191 I have known my step-kids (boys: 16 & 10) for about 6 years now, but this is the first time that they have lived with me and my husband full-time. I wanted this to happen, I encouraged it, and I still think it is the right decision (for them) to have them live with us. Where they lived before had very little after-school (or in school) activities. There was no choir, no basketball, no football, no YMCA, no tutoring...you get the picture. It has been six months since the big move. We have a morning routine that is not only mapped out, but taped to their bedroom doors. Yet, in order for these necessary activities to get done (and I am only talking about making beds, brushing teeth, getting dressed, etc.), I had to practically become a monster. Every day: please find your sneakers; please wash your face, please, please, PLEASE….!!!! The same type of begging, pleading, ordering occurs when it comes to school work and cleaning too. Things are definitely getting into a routine since the first day, but I think it is happening at the expense of my being liked. I don’t expect to be their “friend,” but I hardly ever get hugs, kisses, and God-forbid someone volunteers a word of affection, anymore. But I certainly like dolling out these life-affirming “treats.” I know that they are kids, but I am human too. I love them. What should my reasonable expectations/hopes be? I have known my step-kids (boys: 16 & 10) for about 6 years now, but this is the first time that they have lived with me and my husband full-time. I wanted this to happen, I encouraged it, and I still think it is the right decision (for them) to have them live with us. Where they lived before had very little after-school (or in school) activities. There was no choir, no basketball, no football, no YMCA, no tutoring…you get the picture.

It has been six months since the big move. We have a morning routine that is not only mapped out, but taped to their bedroom doors. Yet, in order for these necessary activities to get done (and I am only talking about making beds, brushing teeth, getting dressed, etc.), I had to practically become a monster. Every day: please find your sneakers; please wash your face, please, please, PLEASE….!!!! The same type of begging, pleading, ordering occurs when it comes to school work and cleaning too.

Things are definitely getting into a routine since the first day, but I think it is happening at the expense of my being liked. I don’t expect to be their “friend,” but I hardly ever get hugs, kisses, and God-forbid someone volunteers a word of affection, anymore. But I certainly like dolling out these life-affirming “treats.” I know that they are kids, but I am human too. I love them. What should my reasonable expectations/hopes be?

]]> By: Kristi http://stepmothersmilk.com/2007/11/05/stepmom-teenagers/#comment-1139 Kristi Tue, 06 Nov 2007 22:37:06 +0000 http://stepmothersmilk.com/2007/11/05/stepmom-4/#comment-1139 Izzy, How does one who writes so exceptionally well not have the "gift of gab"??? Izzy, How does one who writes so exceptionally well not have the “gift of gab”???

]]> By: Izzy http://stepmothersmilk.com/2007/11/05/stepmom-teenagers/#comment-1136 Izzy Mon, 05 Nov 2007 21:00:10 +0000 http://stepmothersmilk.com/2007/11/05/stepmom-4/#comment-1136 Lindsay, You are invited to come over anytime and force your wisdom on The Tall One. Maybe I can learn a thing or two from you:) IR Lindsay,
You are invited to come over anytime and force your wisdom on The Tall One. Maybe I can learn a thing or two from you:)

IR

]]> By: Lindsay http://stepmothersmilk.com/2007/11/05/stepmom-teenagers/#comment-1135 Lindsay Mon, 05 Nov 2007 19:10:12 +0000 http://stepmothersmilk.com/2007/11/05/stepmom-4/#comment-1135 This cracks me up. I am one of those annoying people who can find anything to talk about, but with my 17 yr. old nephew my rule of thumb is this: I preach on and on and on even with out a respose. I give him advice on all sorts of topics that I find interesting . . .money management, real estate, girls, sex, and goals. I talk about stuff that I know a teenager won't dare to ask because they just don't think much farther than their nose. I like to make him blush. It makes me feel good to open up and "help" him discover his chatty social side (we are still trying to find it). Even though he's not my son and I don't have the authority or resposibility of a mom or dad. . . I have a responsibility to myself. I am responsible for giving him a chance to be the best he can be. I ask myself what it is that I learned from my parents. . .and most of the real good stuff were the conversations they forced on me when I pretended I didn't care. This cracks me up. I am one of those annoying people who can find anything to talk about, but with my 17 yr. old nephew my rule of thumb is this: I preach on and on and on even with out a respose. I give him advice on all sorts of topics that I find interesting . . .money management, real estate, girls, sex, and goals. I talk about stuff that I know a teenager won’t dare to ask because they just don’t think much farther than their nose. I like to make him blush. It makes me feel good to open up and “help” him discover his chatty social side (we are still trying to find it). Even though he’s not my son and I don’t have the authority or resposibility of a mom or dad. . . I have a responsibility to myself. I am responsible for giving him a chance to be the best he can be. I ask myself what it is that I learned from my parents. . .and most of the real good stuff were the conversations they forced on me when I pretended I didn’t care.

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