According to the online gossip rags, Uma Thurman will soon join our ranks when she marries her Suisse millionaire lover and becomes a stepmom to his two kids.
I’m thinking about sending her a gift. I like pretending we’re kindred spirits and that we could be mistaken for sisters with matching platinum hair and sultry blue eyes.
“Suuuuuure,” you mock. Just let me have my fantasy. It’s not gonna kill ya.
So what does a woman, who will soon become an instant mother of sorts, require? Uma clearly doesn’t need any more handbags (although I wouldn’t mind an authentic Louis Vuitton ), and baby bottles and bum cream will do her no good. What this woman needs is some good old-fashioned nurturing. If this superstar is going to survive stepmotherhood, she needs to start by taking care of herself.
And this is what got my thinking.
Call me narcissistic and even a bit greedy, but I believe it’s not too late to throw myself a stepmom shower. (I’ve been married just over a year. Surely, I’m still within the proper gift-receiving window.) In fact, I think all of us in the S-mom club should campaign for a new tradition where we celebrate our friendship, endurance and the bravery and buffoonery required to raise children (not biologically are own) who are part of a family that existed long before we came along!
Can I get a CHEERS for the STEPMOM SHOWER!
Here’s how I see the day playing out: The Instant Mom being showered shows up to the location of her choosing (shooting range, ice arena, winery, poolside cabana) in her wedding dress. I don’t know about you, but I’ve been looking for an excuse to put that silky gown on again. All of her favorite ladies join her for an afternoon of potent libations and indulgent savories. Fat free dip is strictly forbidden. Cheese is encouraged. There are cupcakes aplenty. With extra frosting on the side.
One of the more musically hip girlfriends plays DJ, dancing becomes inappropriate and laughter permeates.
Finally, instead of sitting around in a cramped circle watching one sweetheart open gifts, all attending ladies receive something from the “stepmom shower registry.” Here are a few of my favorites:
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Case of wine
5 pounds of Gouda and Pecorino (crackers included)
A day spa retreat
Lipstick for a year
Scones for a month
New bras
An overnight hotel stay with The Husband
Of course, I could go on, but I’m curious how you’d do it. If someone where to throw you a stepmom shower, what would you add to the list? Should I start planning your party right now?
Posts 
Firstly, I adore you. I just so absolutely adore you. This post? Genius, my good woman. Sheer. Genius.
I would like to add some baked brie to that list as well as a Mimosa fountain, a personal foot massage attendant, and complimentary supply of Xanax.
And yes, please. Please start planning my party now. When I graduate from Fun Monkey, I shall raise my glass to you for all you have taught me. (For now, I still working on putting the little one’s hair in a straight set of pigtails.)
smooches. and keep on doing like yer doing – you so brighten my days.
That sounds like the best time ever. I am starting the planning right now. I can hardly wait. Your additions will ensure a fun time by all.
IR
I would have to agree with cdp – your post is genius! All of your writing is, actually. Its one of my favorite parts of the day – coming online to see what Izzy Rose has to say :)
Now – back to me and this little party you’re going to plan for me…
I’d like to skip the wine and go straight for the hard liquor. Cosmos and Mojitos! Keep ‘em comin! :)
Very good post! Love the idea, but I think I am no longer in the gift giving window lol. But I will send to all a huge case of wine, a case of cokes and a half dressed bartender, equipped with the finest liquor there is. There will be an MP3 player filled with different forms of meditation mp3s, from stress relief to all out calming the entire body, mind, and soul. (I am sure I have enough hidden money from all those wonderful child support checks, that we don’t get, to buy all this)
Hummmppppphhh – definably those Nigella cup cakes you linked the recipe … I made a batch yesterday and there is none left now, but I’m stuck in this computer chair until the fire department can prise me out!
I’m in!
Let’s have a touring stepmom shower; we’ll all head to Austin to see you, then so on and so forth. When summer comes around again, y’all can come to Chicago for my shower (you don’t want to be here for the next 6 months — nothing but snow!)
I think it sounds absolutely divine and I echo the sentiments above that you are a straight-up Genius. I like the Cosmos and Mojitos idea a LOT–add a little bit of my friend Jack and some Diet Coke, too. I’m thinking a pedicurist in attendance wouldn’t be a bad idea… chair massage… locking door handles in the goody bags… yep, I’m there. Even if it’s in Chicago–in the snow!
Love the Stepmom Shower! You’re brilliant Izzy!
[...] IzzyRose wrote a fantastic post today on “Stepmom Shower”Here’s ONLY a quick extractHere’s how I see the day playing out: The Instant Mom being showered shows up to the location of her choosing (shooting range, ice arena, winery, poolside cabana) in her wedding dress. I don’t know about you, but I’ve been looking for … [...]
Ladies,
I am loving your suggestions. Keep em coming and I will start the planning.
IR
[...] of you may remember my post last fall, where I suggested an indulgent event where stepladies from east, west, north and south [...]
Uma Thurman was like a thousand times drop dead gorgeous when she was still younger.’*”