Meeting Snuffleupagus
The Tall One has a girlfriend, although I’m not allowed (in his presence) to call her this. Fine.
“Who is this gal-pal you speak of?” I inquire. Naturally, I’m curious about her.
I want details.
“Not much to say,” he deflects.
Not much to say, eh? Translation: he’s written volumes he could hand over to the Library of Congress. The kid’s playing hardball with me. He’s giving me nothing and this fuels my meddlesome mind.
Up until now, I have heard of this girl, but not seen her. I have dropped The Tall One off at her house, but before I can make out any distinguishable features (like, is she on meth or in her forties), the door shuts behind them. He has shown me pictures on his cell phone, but they’re either so blurry or extremely cropped, I cannot tell if I’m looking at her shoes or her ear.
She is his Snuffleupagus* and my eager interest is making me mad, as in crazy.
Our therapist says we get to play the parent card and demand a meeting. I smile at the torture of it. Poor kid. How painful is that going to be? It’s tempting, but I can’t do it.
He groans over the thought of me mentioning “their relationship.”
Instead, I gently question The Tall One. “Why don’t you ever invite her (your girlfriend) over to our house?”
He shrugs. I continue, “Is it because you’re ashamed of us? Do we embarrass you? Do you think we’ll interrogate her?”
He agrees to let us look at her when she picks him up for the first day back to school. He has not included speaking in the initial meet-and-greet package. I find this a bit immature. What does he think I’m going to do? Pry? He groans over the thought of me mentioning “their relationship.”
A quick aside: a high school teacher tells me on authority that students don’t date anymore. They hang out in groups or as singles. Dating is out, I’m told.
How can dating be out?
My friend, the teacher, explains, “They just have sex. No dating.”
I can’t deal with this disturbing reality right now. Today, I can only focus on my upcoming, and brief encounter with Shnuffaluffagus.
After I have a clear picture in my mind of what she truly looks like, I might allow myself to picture the existence of other things.
Or not.
*Aloysius Snuffleupagus, more commonly known as Mr. Snuffleupagus or Snuffy, is one of the Muppet characters on the long-running educational television program for young children, Sesame Street. He resembles a woolly mammoth, without tusks or (visible) ears, and he is a friend of Big Bird.
For many years, Big Bird was the only character on the show who saw him (he only came along when Big Bird was alone). The main adult characters teased Big Bird when he said he had seen the Snuffleupagus, because they didn’t believe there was such an animal, often despite evidence to the contrary. (Wikipedia)
Tags:advice, blog, stepmom, teenager, The Tall One
Oh Dear God, Izzy. Between the on meth or in her forties, the Snuffy; and then the they don’t date they just have sex; my sides are SPLITTING. My brain is not yet back to fully functional such that I may offer anything of my substance in the way of a comment. But damn woman. You is funny. I love it.
You is funny! I thoroughly enjoyed your ABC post, but haven’t had anything worthy to comment. Glad to hear from you. Hope all’s well. And seriously, what do I do if she’s scary and/or missing teeth?
IR
This is too funny. I know exactly what you are going through. “Our” oldest also has a girlfriend, has had many this past year actually. Last week I logged onto my myspace account (for monitoring the kids) and found this gushy………I love you you are my world blah blah…..I called the father. This is unnacceptable you need to talk to him. The only reason for my concern is that I know how dating is out and what they do. She is nearly 16, he, 13!
An older woman- yikes! Invite her over for an inquisition and let me know how it goes.
IR
You are hysterical. I am laughing and cringing (thinking 12 years into the futures of my boys). I am definately going to remember about Snuffleupagus. Hey, have you thought about putting your “House Rules” list on a refrigerator magnet or maybe on a t-shirt? I’d buy one or both for sure. Looking forward to getting my Fun Monkey T-shirt.
Keep up the great writing.
In the most humorous ways possible, you have written about one of our biggest concerns! Eldest dating! LOL. Thankfully I think I have at least 6 months to a year before he realizes girls exist outside of books too….
Kristi,
Take a look at the link to the new tshirts- the last thing listed is a magnet that says house rules. I will consider making one into a tshirt.
Chelly, and I gotta say that being the stepmom in this scenario makes it even harder, because he REALLY doesn’t want me meddling in his love life. I think the bio-mom gets more latitude.
You should have seen the look I got the day I came home with product for his hair and tried to show him some of my tricks. Poor kid was mortified. Can you imagine if i did the same with (shhhhh) condoms?! Talk about an awkward family dinner. I’m leaving that discussion to the bio-dad.
Help.
IR
My 15 yo stepdaughter had her first ‘hangout’ (really it’s not called a date anymore?) tonight. I kept thinking horrible thoughts of her getting more action than I was three theatres down with my husband. I say we hook up my 5′9″ stepdaughter with Tall One. Long distance teen relationship’s have to be the best kind, for the parents.
Izzy,
Dad thinks he gets to talk to the boys and I get to talk to the daughter! I think my job is going to be harder lol. bio-mom isn’t in their lives, so I get to be mom and step-mom. Fun challenge that is. Especially when it comes to talks and the like….
Oh dear…a “hangout” does imply that more is going on than, what’s hanging.
OK, Laurie- arranged dating it is. Let’s limit them to email and the phone:) We all know that long distance relationships never last…they’ll be “hanging out” with us (their parents) again in no time. Good plan.
IR
Izzy, this is a situation that’s perfect for The Husband to handle. He is their father after all. My Sd(15) and I have had good talks about the birds & bees and relationship issues, and having these talks have helped strengthen our relationship. She knows she can talk to me about whatever’s bothering her, without my judging her or lecturing her. Both something her bio-mom always seems to do (according to Sd) which turns her off. But, I would never feel comfortable talking with Ss(13) about the b&b’s cause, well, he’s a boy & I’m a girl. My Dh took care of it much to my relief, and I’m sure Ss’s as well!
“Our therapist says we get to play the parent card and demand a meeting…It’s tempting, but I can’t do it.” I agree with your therapist. Ask yourselves, why is The Tall One ‘hiding’ Snuffy from you? Is there something about her that he doesn’t want y’all to know because he knows y’all wouldn’t approve? Even if that’s not the case, you have every right as the parents to know who your child is spending so much time with.
Do you worry that The Tall One is going into Snuffy’s house for long periods of time when you’ve not met her or more importantly her parents? I think there are just some times when our kids’ feelings of embarrasment or awkwardness need to be ignored for the greater importance of making sure they’re safe. The kids will get over being embarrased and in the long run they’ll look back and realize that you were doing the right thing in looking out for them.
Talk with The Husband about your concerns re: Snuffy, and have him get The Tall One to bring her over. It could be a casual thing…after school one day for snacks, over for lunch on the weekend, or one evening to watch a movie at y’all’s house. Something where The Tall One doesn’t feel the pressure of having his parent’s meet his girlfriend (or whatever he calls her) and it becoming the Inquisition. However y’all decide to do it, let it come from The Husband. That way you aren’t seen as prying or meddlesome. Let The Husband be the bad guy here.
[...] the first day back to school and finally, I met her: The Tall One’s (girl)friend. (See Meeting Snuffleupagus) She was standing at the front door just over one hour ago with polished black hair, black lines [...]
Thanks for all the advice. Stay tuned …
IR
[...] the first day back to school and finally, I met her: The Tall One’s (girl)friend. (See Meeting Snuffleupagus) She was standing at the front door just over one hour ago with polished black hair, black lines [...]