Make your own dinner
I flaked out on my running buddy this morning. Already sore calves (see I heart boot camp), crampy uterus and too much wine in the system make for a very sluggish jog. I asked her to forgive me. “I promise to change, I said. Please don’t break up with me.”
“I’ll think about it, she said.” Funny girl.
I appreciated her leniency. The night before, there had been wine. Much wine.
When it’s 90 degrees after the sun goes down, The Husband and I (recent transplants from the chilly Bay Area) declare this immediate cause for celebration. New to Texas summers, I’m elated that I can walk out of the house with exposed arms, neck and bare feet. But, it took me a while to warm up to this idea.
For many months after our arrival, I carried around a security jacket, kept my boots zipped high and stashed a scarf in my purse. I could be sweating and on the verge of heat stroke, but I clung to my fear that a piercing gust of unpleasant wind was right around the corner. “Just wait, I’d pant. It’s coming.”
But, that was last summer and now it’s a year later. The Central Texas rains have passed and the Heat. Is. On. Perfect weather for sitting on the back patio. Calm. Comfortable. No jacket required.
Last night, with conditions like these, a bottle of wine seemed an appropriate homage to our new, thawed out selves.
Well into the evening, my step-sons reminded us with malnourished dog pound looks that maybe we ought to serve them a meal.
I reserve the right to declare, “It’s make your own dinner night.”
Now hold on! It sounds worse than it is. Let me explain.
Six out of seven nights of the week we make the kids a home-cooked meal. The menu includes ridiculous amounts of meat and milk and often catches me off-guard, reminding me in an instant that I’m no longer single, but married, and responsible for growing meat-eaters.
It’s a lot to stomach.
Sometimes I lament (quietly to myself in the bathroom mirror), “Can’t I go back to my old life where an evening meal was the simplicity of cheese, crackers and two glasses of wine?”
I’ve been told by veteran step-moms that at least one night a week, I reserve the right to declare, “It’s make your own dinner night.”
Our therapist institutes a similar tradition in her own home, but she calls it “free dinner.” Either way, it’s just a nice way of saying; we’re not cooking tonight.
This is how I have explained it to The Tall One and The Young One: We, the parents, have the night off from cooking. We all fend for ourselves. You can eat whatever you want, I tell them, as long as you make it and you clean it up. I have even gone so far as to say, “If you want to eat an entire jar of jam, knock yourself out. Just clean it up.”
The first time we tried this routine, the man-children just didn’t get it. They looked confused and naturally, hungry. I reiterated, “Like I said, if you want to eat an entire jar of jam…”
Last night, not only did we declare the sweltering heat a cause for barefoot celebration, we announced, “Guys, it’s make your own dinner.”
The Tall One poured himself a huge bowl of Special K and heated up an entire can of Ranch Beans. OF COURSE, the combination was disgusting, but he sat at the kitchen table with his two bowls of gruel and an over sized wooden spoon in a state of complete empowerment.
So you see, we all win here.
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My mom used to do that. She said our choices were limited to leftovers. I think it would have been better if I could have chosen the Special K and beans instead of mysterious tupperware contents.
As soon as my stepdaughter is old enough she will be facing a similar challenge. She already has to do her own breakfast, an occasional lunch is next. My mother-in-law thinks I am horrible to make her get her own cereal. You can tell how much I care what she thinks by the fact that Sunshine is still getting her own breakfast.
My parents did it with us, too…so I feel justified to keep up the tradition. Hey, and didn’t it teach us to be independent and resourceful women? Tell your mother-in-law that free dinner is a lesson for building strong girls:)
IR
My husband started this after teaching oldest how to cook. Oldest knows how to make Mac and Cheese, hotdogs, out of the can meals, oven foods. He started to take over lunch and supper, so I let them (always hovering near by just in case lol). Middle has started to learn stove cooking as well… Her mac and cheese is much better tho lol. I make the big family meals, the quick dad’s not going to be here for supper and I am not hungry meals go to older two.
I’m all about Free Dinner Night, too. They’re moving right on up there on breakfast and lunch, and recently have asked to take over a dinner here and there. I agree that it’s good for them to learn independence, just like learning to do one’s own laundry. I like their creativity, too. It’s fun to cook as a family, fun to cook for them, fun to have them cook for themselves, but it’s the MOST fun to have them cook for us! :)
The great thing that has happened is that The Tall One has gotten really interested in cooking… and he’s good. Of course, all he wants to make is chocolate cake and brownies.
I do think that kids like to feel empowered (laundry, etc) after they get over the initial complaining.
Thanks for the comments. Glad I’m not the only one campaigning for a night off.
IR
It’s hard to implement certain rules and teaching to step children, I think. Even though I’m yet a step mum, but to teach and implement some new rules on how to be more independent or taking care of themselves to my own children, is a hard work too. But the reward will come, sooner or later with the good intention in mind :)
Thinking, I might be a future step mum to someone too in future ….
Joanne
http://www.imhappyfish.com/blog
Your posts always crack me up - I’m sure you get told this everyday but I’ll say it again, you are one hell of a good writer!
I absolute love the idea of “Make your own dinner” nights - and I’m thinking I’m going to have to adopt that tradition!
Hi Izzy Rose,
As empowering and liberating as a make-your-own dinner night would be for my stepsons, the idea would be fingernails on a chalkboard to Perfect Man, who puts so much of who he is and how he feels into the preparation of amazing meals for loved ones. (Not to mention that Jeep Boy and Hammerhead would instantly turn to dust if someone told them to make their own food.)
Love your site. I am both envious of and sympathetic to your living in Austin. (I’m an ex-pat and stream KUT on my laptop, to answer your question.) I also moved there from northern California, so I know the shock you are going through, culturally and physiologically. You will adapt, and you will love it, eventually.
Aunt Pillowhead
Hi Izzy,
I just found your blogg. As a mother of four I have cooked for many years for the kids. Now they are all teenagers and they have to make their own dinners every now and then. I found my daughters facebook page and under the title Heroes we were listen (not first…) “My parents for making room for everyone to grow!” (In my perspective that includes the mother as well).
So I agree, it is about creating independant kids…. I think this fall I will have them take one night each during the week to make food. With four kids that is the entire work-week :-)
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