I’ll just have to laugh my way through it
Surely, there must be a support group, is what I naturally thought. In California, there’s a support group for everything. My Austin therapist says no. She has heard of no such thing.
“Really? No meetings in auditoriums with fluorescent lights and metal chairs?”
“It is a step-mom group you’re looking for, right?”
Apparently, I have no idea what sort of miserable fate I’ve signed up for.
If there is no local support group, then where are all the step-moms commiserating? Surely they’re not all battling it out with themselves in the bathroom mirror, like I am. Gnawing on one’s lower lip every time there’s an uncomfortable moment can’t be healthy. Can it?
So, I decided to go looking for advice on-line. What I found was a scant depressing. Step-parenting sites droning on about survival secrets, coping mechanisms, how to experience more joy than pain, the hardest job in the world and my favorite, “a one-to-one dialogue with God to help you through the struggles of step-motherhood.”
That’s right. Jesus, help me.
Apparently, I have no idea what sort of miserable fate I’ve signed up for. Perhaps I should pack my suitcase now, steal out in the middle of the night, lest I be tempted to buy a gun…and stay.
On second thought, maybe that’s not such a good idea. Even for a new and wannabe Texan.
Instead, we decided in the mirror last night, I’ll just have to laugh my way through it.
When that doesn’t work, I’ve found that a glass of wine doesn’t hurt. And if that’s not enough, I conjure up an equally apalling and entertaining memory from my own step-kid lore to remind me that even the most challenged families survive.
If there were any time for a gun, that would have been it.
I look in the mirror and tell myself the story of the time my older step-sister (a natural tomboy and troublemaker) hid so many dirty dishes under her bed she attracted a racoon (A carnivorous North American mammal) into her box-springs. If there were any time for a gun, that would have been it. Instead, the parental unit settled on a lot of lip biting to calm down.
In fact, twenty years later, with no bullet wounds to speak of, my step-sisters and I are only mildly scarred. Some close calls with friendly fire, but in the end, we’re still a family unit. Strong and very much intact.
Tags:Becoming Stepmom, local support group, step mom, step parenting, survival secrets
thank you thank you THANK you for posting about being a stepmom. i’m going to stalk your site for a while. i have a soon to be six year old soon to be step daughter and i’m worried about it in the when should i hug when do i tell her i love her do i take her side i don’t want her to think i’m kissing her ass and will i give her cookies any time she wants kind of way.
thank you again!
Yolanda,
I am glad you found the site and please visit and comment often. We all have so much to learn from each other.
Cheers
IR
Jacquelyn,
What a great day today is… I too have search the internet for SOON TO BE step parents. I have been dating my soon to be for about a year. We have kept our relationship seperate from the kids thus far…. let me explain before you gasp… their mother is SEVERLY ABUSIVE and we wanted them to finish their counseling sessions before introducing yet another person into their lives. Also, a custody battle for FULL CUSTODY. However, that will end in Feb. We wanted to make sure that they are ok with themselves. Of course we are not getting married right away or even offically engaged until we have time to get to know each other (the kids and I) My stb is a very good man, his children come first and foremost. We are looking for the easiest transition for these kids. I do not want to bring anymore trama to them. They have been through it all. Court battles, counselors who blamed THEM for her actions, and just plain manipulation on the part of their mother. The kids are age 10 and 8. I already love these children for their strength and ability to adjust. I leave them little things at stb house from “the great pumpkin”, “uncle sam” and now “santa”. I am putting up a chirstmas tree as a surprise next weekend. Should really be a sight to see.
My question to you is how do I make this meeting and getting to know each other easy for them. I know that it will not be a bed of roses but I do not want to tramatize them either. Any help would be greatly appreciated.
Lots of information to digest. I\’ll need some time to think about this.