A different breed
One year ago I became a Stepmom, which is a different breed of Mom. In fact, we’re not breeders at all, are we? I prefer the term feeder, then, since my fragile parental worth and overall acceptance is most-often equated with the amount and quality of food I bring home from the store.
She feed me salmon. She good. She stay.
As my mother, an S-mom to my two sisters, explained recently to me, “We are women who have inherited children who, in turn, inherit us.”
As the story often goes, we fell in love with someone who already had kids of their own and suddenly they became our kids. Just like that. And just that quickly, we’re supposed to start behaving like nurturing, natural, grown-up parents.
We’re supposed to start behaving like nurturing, natural, grown-up parents.
The rules of intuitive bonding can be a little tricky with this snappy, plot line. After all, we did not carry these creatures in our swollen bellies, clean up their unoffending drool or quietly read them ‘Goodnight Moon.’
Unlikely.
Instead, we were minding our own business; buying designer t-shirts and drinking double Americanos in North Beach, when they just showed up demanding snacks.
I liken myself to the woman in some, old childhood tale who opens her front door one morning only to discover, aghast, that some bird with scrawny legs has dropped off a package. “Here you go,” the stork says and flies off with a smirk.
Quite literally, I’ve been delivered the package deal.
And, like most unexpected gifts, I’m overwhelmed with joy, surprise and a dash of apprehension. Should I unwrap it? What if I don’t like what’s inside the pretty box? Can I give it back?
In many cases, we S-moms imagined having children one day (didn’t we?) and so, we’ve welcomed our step-kids into our lives with ample amounts of love and excitement.
We just didn’t necessarily expect an almost full-grown-man-child to show up one Sunday afternoon dressed in size eight jeans with a hole in the knee. And want to stay past dinner.
Tags:A different breed, bay area, different breed, goodnight moon, Izzy Rose, Rules and roles, Single gal to stepmom, stepfamily, stepmom, step children, step mom, texas, The man children, The Tall One, The Young One
The package deal……….is it really a deal? I mean we are expected to raise, love, nuture someone else’s child who doesn’t necessarily want us to be raising them or even want us around. So, where is the deal in that? I am still trying to figure that one out. I too, always wanted a family, to be the loving mother with 2.5 kids. So, naturally marrying a man I love and raising his daughter was going to be great. Don’t get me wrong, I love my s-daughter and I think she is an amazing young woman, but it has by far been the most difficult experience for me. It’s not the s-childs doing so much as it is the situation we are put in as s-parents. How much do we parent? How much do we not parent? Where do you find the balance of what your role is without losing yourself in the frustration of what you are or what you are not to this child?