Introducing Ms. May!
Gretchen lives in Port Townsend, WA.
Gretchen is what I call a “veteran” Stepmom, someone who is no longer in the trenches, no longer raising the now-grown-up kids. I asked her to offer some advice to those of us who are still doing service.
Q1:
What were the circumstances that made you an overnight mom? Tell us a bit about your step-kids and their relationship to you.
After my husband and I were married less than a year, his three sons 6, 8 and 10 years old, asked to live with us after spending the summer with us. We told them we would love to have them live with us, but their mother had physical custody and they would have to ask her. They asked and she (of course) was really mad, but said they could and she knew they would be wanting to go back to her soon. They never did. After a court hearing and lots of money spent on lawyers, we were given custody. They had been coming for long visits since they were 3, 5 and 7 years old, so we all knew each other very well.
Q2:
What was the biggest challenge for you as a Stepmom? What do you think the number one issue is for S-moms? Is there a universal
issue?
Feeling second to the boys. Even though they wanted to live with us their mother was their mother. I always loved it when they said,”Even if you aren’t our real mom, you are the best.” Every S-mom has a unique situation and I don’t think there is one specific issue.
Q3:
What’s been good about being a Stepmom? Has it changed you and if so, in what way?
We have all shared a lot of great experiences together and even though there were many hard times, looking back it was worth it. I love them all very much.
Q4:
What’s your favorite bit of advice for other Stepmoms?
Take things really slowly and easy. It takes years for these relationships to build.
Q5:
How did you take care of yourself in these “trying times.”
Exercise, exercise, exercise. Talk to friends that are in the same S-mom position. It helps to hear how they deal.
Q6:
How did you manage your relationship with your husband while raising his kids?
We were very supportive and kept talking, talking, talking to one another. Take time to spend alone with your husband. If you can get through this together, you can deal with anything that comes your way.
Did any of Gretchen’s comments strike a chord? Open a dialogue in the Stepmother’s Milk forum.
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